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About Literature / Hobbyist ellieFemale/Australia Recent Activity
Deviant for 5 Years
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thanks to everyone who reads what i post
writing is really important to me

i first joined deviant art when i was 14 and I've uploaded an awful lot of pieces on here
i don't write nearly as much as i used to but i miss it a lot
writing has been my number one way to deal with things for as long as i can remember

it's a great way to process and give reason to my emotions, whether they're rational or not
and i feel like it has been so integral to me making it through all my struggles with mental and emotional difficulties over the past five years
deviantart has been an invaluable safe space for me to express myself without worrying about people telling me that they are fed up with me and can't tolerate me anymore
this website has been able to provide a really secure and trusting environment for me to express my innermost feelings, however pure or impure, however dark or light, and has allowed me to be really fragile
and that's such a beautiful and important thing

the total zero-judgement in this safe space that focuses on the writer (or artist) and their craft is really special and important
thank you to everyone who has contributed to this amazing place, you all inspire me with your gentle souls and care for work that is not even your own, it really is so special

if anyone has anything they want me to read or think i would like, please send me a link and i would absolutely love to
i am enclosed within arms bent,
like baby bird wings
orange petuniastulips shroud me
i am enclosed within petals curled,
curling like my devil lips

i string cursives but i curse
scarlet streams and ribbons running down my frame
thoughts like ice i am
italicised ; you frost me into 45 degrees of
uncertainty

feet firmly planted on the ground
earth between my toes
rise up and shoot stems, sweep me off my heels
pelvis lodged firmly into a garden bed now
i look up and the trees laugh at me overhead

sun's beating down you know like
fiery shards of melting jealousy into my lungs
my ribcage is screaming and screaming sore at me screaming
"STOP HURTING EVERYTHING" and "STOP HURTING
ME, PLEASE please?" poor ribs i can't fathom

what might be were you to be made of pearl and opal,
naught for bone, could you maybe protect me just a little longer
and maybe nature's way wouldn't sever me so hungrily
you could not
but i never could
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why is it
that your name still makes my heart skip such a painful beat
that my chest should constrict so tightly, so viciously
a fist, clawed
wrapping around my heart in such a twist

the curve of my breast
never seemed so soft in this dim light
should your fingers trail upon my surface,
should your gaze grace mine once more
i couldn't bare to think
of the way my knees would shake
and the way i would fall by you -
always
your prey
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s
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i couldn't ever love another
another lover, couldn't ever
love her, couldn't
love her, mother
fucker, motherfucker
couldn't love you any
longer

i sunk further in
my blood is thicker today
you'd probably have something to say about it

(bathroom tiles are more homely to me than they are sterile, but i guess the more clinical components of life were the more interesting ones anyway)

i wonder what i'm doing
aching tailbone, and bent spine
the ringing in my ears is a divine symphony, like an angel choir
i know you'd probably have something to say about, too

why is it that i like the shudder that takes hold of my body, when my soft skull smashes with conviction against the bathroom tiles?

now i am inadvertently writing to scare you, and i know exactly why. not that you've ever understood my writing anyway.

you don't get jealous, you just get pissed off at me. and i don't get jealous, i just let the insecurity drip me like a vice until it sucks anything out of me that you'd find attractive anyway.

you hurt me. you're bad for me. i hate you. i love you. you're deluded. i'm always wrong. i'm always fucking up. i'm always wondering when it'll happen. i'm always wondering if it'll be you or me. i'm always wondering if it's a waste of my time. the most painful waste? yes, the most painful. i'm always hoping the day that i die will come before the day that we do, because it'll be easier that way. i'm always looking for the easy way. you're always looking for the selfish way. sometimes that's the same thing. sometimes it's not.

the blood smeared on my arm because i bent the crease in my elbow and it looks like one of those preschool butterfly finger-paintings, you know the ones where they fold the paper in the middle so the butterflies get symmetrical wings

did you ever consider that cheating at art?

did you ever consider yourself a cheater when you tried to fuck her? do you think the negative connotations attached to "cheating" are "monogamous heteronormative" bullshit?

do you think about me?
do you think?

...

the little red spots on my legs are so ugly and they remind me that i am a collection of ugly parts and you are like a tired prison warden who is humouring an insane captive

hint:

i am the captive

...
you've always got something to say
there's always something to say about me
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itselliegasp
ellie
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
Australia
if you know me in real life then now is the time to fuck off
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:iconanobrain:
anobrain Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2014
have missed seeing you around the site, lovely - hope everything is alright x
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(1 Reply)
:icons09521463b0x:
S09521463B0X Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2014
AUSTRALIA <3

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(1 Reply)
:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2013
thank you very much for the favourites :rose:
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(1 Reply)
:iconflightlessheron:
flightlessheron Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2013  Student Writer

Welcome to #LiteraryMovement! We are glad to have you! I hope you receive and give some great feedback while you're with us! Please remember to fully complete your membership process when you have the time! It helps us know you better and learn how to better provide for our members. The membership form is required, but all other forms and parts of the process are optional. Let me know if you have any questions. :heart:

 

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:iconanobrain:
anobrain Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2013
hello, sweetie! you have been featured in my journal. ellathepirate.deviantart.com/j… :heart:
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(1 Reply)
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